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Once, jai had a dream and that dream was to deface the Twatlight books in a frenzy of mockery.

This dream was a noble one, so we've stolen it. Now, you can not only ravage Smeyer's ridiculous teenage vampire romance or ridicule LKH's repetitive sex scenes, you can also share legitimate and awesome books that you stumble upon. IT'S THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.

Membership is currently moderated because there are people's home addresses occasionally involved and...well, let's be honest. We get pretty vicious and we'd hate to see all the little trolls cry.

Life of Pi

wtfbookreview isn't just for stupid books. It's also a place to showcase books we stumble upon that are actually worth reading without breaking out the ballpoints. Life of Pi by Yann Martel is one of them.

I kept hearing about LoP and it was vaguely on my mental list of Books to Read, but I guess I never really paid attention. I didn't really know what the plot was, only that it was a good story, etc.

I actually went into the bookstore to get The Strain which is essentially about a zombie-vampire virus and has so little to do with LoP that it's kind of funny I came out with the latter. What most arrested me is a line in the Author's Note at the beginning.

Then the elderly man said, "I have a story that will make you believe in God."

Just like that, I was caught and I ended up buying it.

Don't mistake me, I'm not a religious person. But other people's religious beliefs fascinate me. And if they can do it in a non-preachy story, all the better.

So I picked up Life of Pi, took it home, and within a week began reading.

What struck me first was the language. I'm a sucker for descriptives—maybe that's why I liked Anne Rice before she went off the deep end—and Martel delivers. India is such a rich and detail laden place that it's hard for any author to mess it up, but Martel made me feel it. He made me smell it. And not in the hyper realistic way of crushing throngs of people in the dusty streets but in the cool, embroidered way of Pi living his life as a child.

The religious aspect of the book is secondary, really. Pi is a practicing Hindu, Christian, and Muslim, which is all kinds of contradictory and which works perfectly within the confines of the story. He comes from a faintly religious family that does not understand his fervor but also does not get in his way. They indulge him and Pi makes his own way through the world of God and the gods.

The basic plot is this: Pi and his family own a zoo and they decide they will migrate to Canada. They begin an ocean crossing with most of the animals and, along the way, the ship sinks. Pi finds himself drifting in the middle of the Pacific with a wounded zebra, a hungry hyena, a worried orangutan, and a seasick tiger. Eventually, there is only Pi and the tiger and their fight to survive in all that water.

It's not a story so much about faith in God as in faith, period. Having faith in something. Believing in something.

I won't say it's uplifting. To starve under such harsh conditions is a terrible thing and Martel doesn't shy away from describing some of the less pleasant aspects of their adventure. The story takes a sharp left turn toward the end that unbalanced me and—deliberately—kind of horrified me.

And then there's the ending. It's a split, one of those endings where you get to decide what you're going to believe with nobody forcing anything on you. It hurt my heart and it upset me. I finished the book, put it down, and had to sleep on it before I decided that, yes, I like this book. I love this story. I love these characters. And you should totally read it for these reasons.

If you don't want to buy it or get it out of your library, I'm fine with lending it. I've already got some takers, so tell me if you want your name on the list.

The Vampire Diaries: The Return: Nightfall

I know everyone's sick of me bitching about this book, but I wanted to make it a potential book for defacement.

It's the 5th book in The Vampire Diaries series. The first three books are actually pretty decent for YA fiction written in the 90's. The fourth book is pure fanservice, as she brought a main character back from the dead. And then we have this awesome book.

Honestly, it deserves defacement just for having two colons in its title. And then there's the retarded cover which...don't even get me started on that red/white glow around the title, argh.

But here are the reasons I believe we should totally rip into this book:


Elena, the heroine, HAS WINGS. Not just one set, several sets. She's come back from the dead as a kind of ANGEL, you see, and she can fly with them and heal people with them and and and.


Random kitsune! This series has never had a Japanese bent before, but now the big bad is a pair of twin kitsune that take over the woods and introduce some kind of parasitical bug-plant-hentai thing that take over little girls and make them pierce themselves and suggestively proposition any man in proximity.


Random use of the Japanese language, which I'm sure jai will appreciate the most. Somebody obviously got hold of a Japanese-English dictionary.


Awesome passages, such as, "She was sitting in lotus position in front of the room's only open window, with the fresh wind making her white nightgown billow. Her hair was true gold again, not the perilous white-gold it had become when Stefan had unintentionally turned [her] into a vampire. She looked exactly the way Bonnie remember her.

Except that she was floating three feet off the floor.

Stefan saw them all gawking.

'It's just something she does,' he said almost apologetically. 'She woke up the day after our fight with Klaus and started floating. I think gravity hasn't quite got a hold on her yet.'"

There are SO MANY THINGS wrong there, not the least of which was the omission of the word "her" in the second sentence.


The phenomenal amounts of douchebaggery, omg. Endearments like "little lovely love" and weeping and blah, blah, blah.

My only concern is that it is the 5th book in a series and while we could probably do some decent mocking of The Return, I don't think the first three are bad enough to warrant it. So those who haven't read the series might not quite comprehend the character murder L. J. Smith is committing with Elena and Damon.

Then again...this book might be bad enough that it doesn't matter if you've read any of the others.

So. If you're in for it, comment, and when I'm ready to send, I'll send to the first person, then they'll send to the next and so on. :)



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